In the blurry haze of an evening of drinks, I was recently asked what my type was (for potential female partner, not blood type). After giving it some thought, I realised I didn't have an answer. If I'm honest, I don't have much data to work with; it was difficult to draw any conclusive pattern. So I figured maybe I'd imagine up the next girl I might see myself with.
But no-one came to mind; I just couldn't see her. It's depressing to think that even my imaginary future girlfriends are non-existent. Perhaps I needed to narrow her down to just a type. The sultry, sexy seductress; the interesting, individualistic intellectual; or the puppy-eyed, precious pearl (I'm just giving myself an excuse to abuse alliteration here)? But nope - no mould would fit my virtual mate. So I racked my head for qualities that I'd like her to possess instead, building her piece by piece like a Subway sandwich:
- Loving
- Caring
- Thoughtful
- Funny
And before I could get further than that, I realised that I was listing the most common, generic qualities that anyone would look for in a partner. Valid they may be, I might as well have just summed them up under one big umbrella category: "good person". Everyone endeavours to find these traits in a person they'd want to start a relationship with. And then it hit me that I might not have a clue what my next girlfriend would be like, but I definitely know what kind of relationship I want to have with her.
I'm currently twenty-two and have only relatively recently embarked on an "adult life" - living on my own, starting a career, brushing my teeth before going to bed, and other big boy responsibilities. Needless to say, I'm not very good with most of these yet (my teeth remain uncleaned as I write this), but when it comes to my dating attitude, I'm probably much too far ahead for my own good.
Unlike most aspiring and vibrant youngsters starting their bachelor lives at this age, my aim in life is to become a husband and a father. Forget earning my first million dollars (HKD, not USD - I'm not too hard on myself), buying my first car, or filling my little black book with semi-accurate first names (on a serious note, who actually owns one? Show of hands please) - I'm all about settling down, spending lazy Sunday afternoons on the sofa, cooking experimental meals, and sharing all of that with one special person. Does that make me boring? Probably. But that's where I want to be - and even I think it's a bit weird.
With my end goal in mind, it's much easier to shape what I want to share with my future partner. I might not end up marrying her, but it doesn't mean that it shouldn't be a relationship where I could reasonably explore that possibility. And in a scarily specific manner, I can list right off the top of my head, without much thought, what I'd hope for:
- Mutual give-and-take
- Commitment
- Honest and open communication
- Friendship, and more
- Growth for one another
- Willingness to put time, effort and work into the relationship
- Support for each other's personal life
- Matching life priorities, or at least an understanding
- Respect for personal space and time
- Continued infatuation
Whilst I may not be able to describe to you my type of girl, I can quite descriptively tell you what I hope she's looking for in our relationship - whether it's achieved or not is another matter, but at least we'd have common objectives. I don't want to close myself off from potential partners by slotting them into categories. But if she's not seeking the same relationship as I am, no matter how sultry, interesting or puppy-eyed she may be (see what I did there?), things just won't work out.
So, back to the discussion over poorly mixed vodka-diet-cokes (I'm watching my calories), after my moment of revelation, I replied thoughtfully:
"Eh. I don't know. Someone with big boobies, I guess."
Yes. I still say "boobies". I'm that mature.
Ha - "boobies".
It's a distraction! Nope - it's just a blog.
Sunday, 29 September 2013
Thursday, 26 September 2013
Talking To Myself
"Hey... What's up?"
"Ah, it's nothing."
"Ah, it's nothing."
"It's not nothing. You can't lie to me, I know something's wrong. What's up?"
[Sigh] "I'm facing this dilemma. I have feelings for this girl, but she doesn't reciprocate. So now I feel like crap on a stick."
"Okay, so what's the dilemma?"
"What do you mean? I just told you. I got my heart broken."
"Right, right. Boo hoo. But where's the dilemma? A dilemma would imply you have a difficult decision to make. And it seems to me, there's no decision to be made. It has already been made for you."
"I suppose..."
"I mean, honestly, what are your choices? To mope around, or to move on? C'mon, that's no choice at all. So it's going to suck balls right now, but then you will move on. So move on."
"I guess you're right."
"Of course I'm right. I'm you."
As of late, I have these moments where I'm very silent and just keep to myself, and more so than before. I just stop and stare blankly ahead. To most, it looks like I'm bored or spaced out. For those that know me well enough, they'll realise I'm just not there in the room any more - I'm in my head, talking to myself.
Putting aside the possibility I may have a split personality and I'm about to go all Two-Face on everyone ("You either die a hero..."), it's a part of my resolutions to be more independent (as opposed to being more psychopathic). Entering into a more mature stage of my life, I felt the need to be more in control of my moods, to be confident at crossroads, and to be able to wade through the crap life throws at me. And so now, when faced with struggles, I go into my head, and materialise the conversation - with myself.
I suppose the idea came from the fact that I've always tried very hard to support my friends in their times of need. Sometimes, I'm able offer a different angle with practical advice, and other times, I just offer a shoulder to lean on. It's a rewarding feeling to know that you are helping those you care about, and a trait of the person I aspire to be. Also, with an outside perspective, things often become a lot clearer: it's funny how logic just goes out the window when emotions come into play.
For example (and as is mostly the case), my friends might come to me with relationship worries. And whenever I give a seemingly ground-breaking piece of advice, it's really not that great at all - I have no big secret. Most relationship problems I have been presented with fall under a few common areas of trouble: distance (physical and emotional), trust issues, mismatch of life priorities, and a general lack of mutual give-and-take. And my solutions are pretty much always along the lines of communication, balance, and honesty. Surprise, surprise: relationships are between two people. And what links two people together? Communication, in whatever form it may take - so talk it out. But what if arguments arise because the two parties want different things? Compromise and balance. Meet each other halfway, at a point where you can both give a little and receive a little. And if one person is hiding a feeling that is troubling them? Be honest. If the two people are right for each other, and it's a relatively mature relationship, they will reach an understanding - if they are open about it. But even I think this last one is stretching it a little - I could probably group 'honesty' under 'communication' as well. So maybe I just have two keys to success. But what would I know? I'm no relationship guru. My point being is that I usually just apply logic to the relationship woes of my friends, and more often than not, it comes out as sound advice.
For example (and as is mostly the case), my friends might come to me with relationship worries. And whenever I give a seemingly ground-breaking piece of advice, it's really not that great at all - I have no big secret. Most relationship problems I have been presented with fall under a few common areas of trouble: distance (physical and emotional), trust issues, mismatch of life priorities, and a general lack of mutual give-and-take. And my solutions are pretty much always along the lines of communication, balance, and honesty. Surprise, surprise: relationships are between two people. And what links two people together? Communication, in whatever form it may take - so talk it out. But what if arguments arise because the two parties want different things? Compromise and balance. Meet each other halfway, at a point where you can both give a little and receive a little. And if one person is hiding a feeling that is troubling them? Be honest. If the two people are right for each other, and it's a relatively mature relationship, they will reach an understanding - if they are open about it. But even I think this last one is stretching it a little - I could probably group 'honesty' under 'communication' as well. So maybe I just have two keys to success. But what would I know? I'm no relationship guru. My point being is that I usually just apply logic to the relationship woes of my friends, and more often than not, it comes out as sound advice.
So, back to the original point, why not be my own best friend (apart from how sad it sounds to say that aloud)? If it's simple advice I'm looking for, I have all the logic and common sense I could need. In fact, we all do. We can all argue and discuss with reason - we do it all the time. And boiled down, most dilemmas come down to the fact that you must make a difficult decision. You just need to a) assess what your choices are, b) list the reasons for choosing and not choosing each, and finally c) as a result, make the most reasonable decision, given the circumstances. If your struggle doesn't even require a decision to be made (like the above conversation I had with myself quite some time ago), then all the better - you have nothing to think about. All you do is just let it happen to you. So now all I need to face any problem in my life is just a quiet moment for me to clone myself and tell myself things I already know, right?
I probably come off as a smart-ass right now. But the matter of fact is, I don't have all the answers. And even if I did, so what? I'm not superhuman, and I still succumb to emotions, however hard I try to distant it from my logic. Ultimately, I'm just as hopeless and pathetic as any lovers' woe. And I'm starting to re-learn that that's okay. I thought the mature thing to do is to deal with 'petty' feelings with reason and a common sense approach. And that's what I tried to do in the above situation. But the truth of the matter is that I'm pretty weak - and it turns out that adults can actually be weak too. As much as I want others to be able to lean on me, I need friends to lean on too. None of them are lesser than me, and if anything, I'm positive that most of my friends are better people than I am. So maybe the real mature thing to do is to learn to open back up and reconnect, and realise that it's okay to feel vulnerable and stupid sometimes.
After all, who said emotions were logical?
I probably come off as a smart-ass right now. But the matter of fact is, I don't have all the answers. And even if I did, so what? I'm not superhuman, and I still succumb to emotions, however hard I try to distant it from my logic. Ultimately, I'm just as hopeless and pathetic as any lovers' woe. And I'm starting to re-learn that that's okay. I thought the mature thing to do is to deal with 'petty' feelings with reason and a common sense approach. And that's what I tried to do in the above situation. But the truth of the matter is that I'm pretty weak - and it turns out that adults can actually be weak too. As much as I want others to be able to lean on me, I need friends to lean on too. None of them are lesser than me, and if anything, I'm positive that most of my friends are better people than I am. So maybe the real mature thing to do is to learn to open back up and reconnect, and realise that it's okay to feel vulnerable and stupid sometimes.
After all, who said emotions were logical?
Monday, 23 September 2013
Jekyll me, and I'll Hyde away
As I have mentioned before, I'm a bit of a Lego geek. Among my collection are the Minifigures series, and my favourite is this little guy (whom I've lovingly made into a necklace), originally titled in a non-copyright-infringement kind of way, "Mr Good and Evil":
Now, if you've ever seen me in person, 90% of the time, I'm wearing my favourite brand: Johnny Cupcakes. My favourite t-shirt among my (admittedly excessive) collection is a Halloween limited edition, London release of their mascot (the hipster in me is beaming - in a flannel scarf and retro square frames, of course):
So, quite obviously, these are both interpretations of the protagonist/antagonist of the 1886 classic Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson - the man who is both the good Henry Jekyll and the evil Edward Hyde.
Jekyll and Hyde (I'm not sure what his celebrity couple name would be: Jyde, or Hekyll?) is an interesting character to me. For those that don't know the tale, the story is about the investigation into a man who has the rare mental condition of dissociative identity disorder (commonly known as 'split personality') - within his body lies both the good Jekyll personality and the evil Hyde personality; this one man encompasses both polar opposites of moral standard. I probably should've announced a spoiler alert beforehand, but this novel was written more than a hundred years ago - I think I'm exempt.
You'll notice many re-imaginings of this character: Harvey Dent/Two-Face, a physical embodiment of duality and one of many Batman super villains (and Bruce Wayne/Batman himself, in a way); Sméagol/Gollum as the self-conflicting, "My Precious" creature from The Lord of the Rings; the insomniac and anarchist The Narrator/Tyler Durden combo from the novel Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk (thank you, A-Level English Literature) and the subsequent movie; and, to a certain extent, the descent of Walter White/Heisenberg from the widely popular TV series Breaking Bad.
In fact, this fictional character has become so synonymous with the language of good and evil, the phrase 'Jekyll and Hyde' is often used to describe a person who varies greatly in moral character in different situations. And it is this concept that has me intrigued.
Often we think of people (in stories and in our lives) as either 'the good guy' or 'the bad guy' (regardless of gender). Some always try, with their very best efforts, to be the former. Others come to accept their questionable intentions and just realise their innate wickedness as the latter. And I'll admit, for the most part of my life, I've always thought I tried to be the good guy, because wasn't that how we were all raised? We're always taught to be good, and to avoid doing bad - simple as that. But it never really is that simple, is it?
Truth is, I'm neither - we're all Jekyll and Hyde. It's what makes us human. We all embody both good intentions and evil intentions, and the ability to execute both. We can be caring, loving and considerate in one moment, and just as easily be hurtful, disrespectful and selfish in the other. In actuality, in the original story of Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, there really is just Dr Henry Jekyll - Hyde is merely a mask which Jekyll hides beneath whilst committing all his repressed sins. Jekyll wants to be Hyde but can't be under his regular guise, so it's not so much 'Jekyll vs. Hyde' as it is 'Jekyll is Hyde'.
So are we doomed? We all carry both the good and the evil, and if it's our inescapable nature, can we ever really become the good guy when we'll always have half a heart of darkness? No, but we can certainly try, and that's what really matters. We may all have the capacity to carry out either ends of the spectrum, and yes, sometimes we will make the wrong decisions. But it's our ability to make choices that sets our characters apart. We will all do some good and some evil in the long journey that is our lives. We're no saints (unless you too play Saints Row, in which case, 3rd Street Saints for life). But if we just try to do good, and apologise and try to change when we misstep, then we are already more Jekyll than we are Hyde.
And so I'll be the first to say, I'm not the hero. But neither am I the villain. I am Jekyll, and I am Hyde. I am not perfect and I will make mistakes. But it will be my life ambition to always try to do the right thing: to treat everyone with equal kindness, to put others before myself, and to be mindful of my actions and my words. Only then can I say I am trying to win the fight and defeat the monstrous Hyde within me. No potion can do that for me.
I wear this necklace to remind myself to not be afraid of this fact, but instead be consciously aware of it. Will you in turn learn to accept your Hyde, and try to be more Jekyll?
So, quite obviously, these are both interpretations of the protagonist/antagonist of the 1886 classic Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson - the man who is both the good Henry Jekyll and the evil Edward Hyde.
Jekyll and Hyde (I'm not sure what his celebrity couple name would be: Jyde, or Hekyll?) is an interesting character to me. For those that don't know the tale, the story is about the investigation into a man who has the rare mental condition of dissociative identity disorder (commonly known as 'split personality') - within his body lies both the good Jekyll personality and the evil Hyde personality; this one man encompasses both polar opposites of moral standard. I probably should've announced a spoiler alert beforehand, but this novel was written more than a hundred years ago - I think I'm exempt.
You'll notice many re-imaginings of this character: Harvey Dent/Two-Face, a physical embodiment of duality and one of many Batman super villains (and Bruce Wayne/Batman himself, in a way); Sméagol/Gollum as the self-conflicting, "My Precious" creature from The Lord of the Rings; the insomniac and anarchist The Narrator/Tyler Durden combo from the novel Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk (thank you, A-Level English Literature) and the subsequent movie; and, to a certain extent, the descent of Walter White/Heisenberg from the widely popular TV series Breaking Bad.
In fact, this fictional character has become so synonymous with the language of good and evil, the phrase 'Jekyll and Hyde' is often used to describe a person who varies greatly in moral character in different situations. And it is this concept that has me intrigued.
Often we think of people (in stories and in our lives) as either 'the good guy' or 'the bad guy' (regardless of gender). Some always try, with their very best efforts, to be the former. Others come to accept their questionable intentions and just realise their innate wickedness as the latter. And I'll admit, for the most part of my life, I've always thought I tried to be the good guy, because wasn't that how we were all raised? We're always taught to be good, and to avoid doing bad - simple as that. But it never really is that simple, is it?
Truth is, I'm neither - we're all Jekyll and Hyde. It's what makes us human. We all embody both good intentions and evil intentions, and the ability to execute both. We can be caring, loving and considerate in one moment, and just as easily be hurtful, disrespectful and selfish in the other. In actuality, in the original story of Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, there really is just Dr Henry Jekyll - Hyde is merely a mask which Jekyll hides beneath whilst committing all his repressed sins. Jekyll wants to be Hyde but can't be under his regular guise, so it's not so much 'Jekyll vs. Hyde' as it is 'Jekyll is Hyde'.
So are we doomed? We all carry both the good and the evil, and if it's our inescapable nature, can we ever really become the good guy when we'll always have half a heart of darkness? No, but we can certainly try, and that's what really matters. We may all have the capacity to carry out either ends of the spectrum, and yes, sometimes we will make the wrong decisions. But it's our ability to make choices that sets our characters apart. We will all do some good and some evil in the long journey that is our lives. We're no saints (unless you too play Saints Row, in which case, 3rd Street Saints for life). But if we just try to do good, and apologise and try to change when we misstep, then we are already more Jekyll than we are Hyde.
And so I'll be the first to say, I'm not the hero. But neither am I the villain. I am Jekyll, and I am Hyde. I am not perfect and I will make mistakes. But it will be my life ambition to always try to do the right thing: to treat everyone with equal kindness, to put others before myself, and to be mindful of my actions and my words. Only then can I say I am trying to win the fight and defeat the monstrous Hyde within me. No potion can do that for me.
I wear this necklace to remind myself to not be afraid of this fact, but instead be consciously aware of it. Will you in turn learn to accept your Hyde, and try to be more Jekyll?
Monday, 16 September 2013
Hey Lok At These YouTubers #1: DailyGrace
Welcome to the first ever instalment of...
Hey Lok At These YouTubers
For those that don't know me, I watch a lot of YouTube. I think it's an incredible platform that has opened up the doors to content creators everywhere that we would've never otherwise seen. And things have come a long, long way since its inception when you look at the amazing quality, breadth and community that exists on the site nowadays. There are entire production companies that have been built from the ground up, solely on YouTube. It's not just all cute cat videos and people getting hit in the nuts.
Watching YouTube is something I do on a daily basis, but I don't just watch single videos - I follow YouTubers. And this is something I hope to share. Here's how I plan to do it:
This will be a continuing series of blog posts I will be writing (in between the regular stuff) to feature some of my favourite YouTube channels, and hopefully you will be able to discover ones that you may want to keep watching. The category of videos will range from vlogs (i.e. video log - this'll be a term you'll get used to), dance, music, news, comedy and other fun stuff, so there's sure to be something for everyone! Except for make-up tutorials. I'll have none of that.
But instead of just writing about the videos, I'm going to let the content speak for itself. I'm sure all these 'Tubers have been profiled before, so instead, I'm going to feature and explain a selection of videos from each channel.
As for your part, I hope that you will take the time to watch these individual videos, and at the end, vote for the fate of the YouTube channel:
SUBSCRIBE
- meaning you like what you see, and you'd like to either subscribe to the channel or watch more videos
or
PASS
- meaning you think I have terrible taste, and you're not going to subscribe and won't be watching anymore
So, without further ado, what better way to start this series than with my favourite YouTuber of all time, and today's featured channel:
DailyGrace
www.youtube.com/dailygrace
Introduction:
Grace Helbig, a.k.a. Daily Grace, runs a daily vlog every weekday, each with a theme: Monday Miscellaneous, Tuesday Comments, Wednesday Reviews, Thursday How-to's, and the infamous, Sexy Friday. She is pretty much a heavyweight when it comes to comedy content on YouTube, so it will be of no surprise if you have seen her stuff before. Her sense of humour is something that grows on you, and she's often quoted as describing herself as the awkward older sister that tries to imbue wisdom on you as the younger sibling, but more often than not, fails at it.
Here is my selection of Daily Grace videos:
---
Good videos to start with:
STICK IT IN HIS BUTT
What is this? Daily Gradvice, a version of Sexy Fridays where Grace gives love, sex and relationship advice sent in by viewers. 'Advice' is probably used too loosely here.
Why this one? Classic Daily Grace sarcasm and unashamed humour. This dates back to quite a while ago, so this was during her more sarcastic phase, as her more recent content is a bit goofier. Still, this one captures the embarrassingly open flavour of her channel, and as good a place to start as any, if you ask me.
---
TAMPONS
What is this? Grace teaching you how tampons work. Yes, it is awkward as it sounds.
Why this one? This encapsulates the awkward older sister persona that Grace plays. Coincidentally, she is in fact an older sister to a younger brother. In this video, her humour is a lot more representative of the type of content she is most famous for, where it's so cringeworthy that it's funny. This was voted as one of the top five Daily Grace videos by fans.
---
AWKWARDLY SEXY
What is this? Another Sexy Friday episode. They're just too good, and this one's short and sweet.
Why this one? Another top voted video, and a good example of the types of gimmicks Grace likes to employ as the theme of an episode. Maybe worth pointing out here that she's an actress as well, with varying successes on the Internet and on TV; you really see that talent shine through here.
---
BAFFLE LAFFLE TAFFLE
What is this? A how-to on how to make a BLT made with waffles instead of bread, a.k.a. a Baffle Laffle Taffle. Yes, she invented it - and still manages to mispronounce it.
Why this one? For a fair few months, Grace made a series of cooking videos on her Thursday How-to's. These were wildly popular, as most of the time, she makes up dishes, doesn't plan very far ahead and almost always fails to find the right utensils/ingredients in her small, ill-equipped kitchen. But somehow, they usually tend to end up surprisingly successful. Also, don't quote her on any of her 'factoids'.
---
First video I ever watched:
I AM NOW A WOMAN
What is this? Grace describes her experience interviewing at an adult movie convention for Attack Of The Show on G4. Hilarity ensues. This is also coincidentally the farthest away you can get from her usual persona, and a rare glimpse at a different aspect of her acting skills and comedic timing.
How did you get to it? I got linked to it as a recommended video through a "California On" video by Kassem G doing interviews at said convention. Promise.
---
My favourite:
LADY GAGA "HAIR"
What is this? Grace mis-lip syncs to Lady Gaga's Hair.
Why this one? There were just too many to choose from, but I went with this one for a personal reason. I was going through some tough times when I discovered Daily Grace, but watching her videos was a nice way to just forget about everything and cheer myself up at the end of each day. This was the one that really made me laugh out loud, over and over again.
---
BONUS ROUND - My claim to fame:
This is a one-time exception bonus round! Grace is my favourite YouTuber, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to be mentioned in not one, but TWO of her videos. I just had to share this. Please watch whilst I slowly stroke my ego.
I HAVE CONDOMS
What is this? A typical Tuesday Comments video.
When are you mentioned? 2:02
How did you get on there? As you might notice in every Tuesday video, Grace will always explain how it works: "For all of you that don't know, whenever a new viewser comments on one of my videos, I haze the crap out of them and welcome them to the Daily Grace family. How do I know it's a new viewser? I don't know - I just guess" (it may not surprise you that I had those lines memorised - and you will soon, too). I got on there the way everyone else does - by being a set-up for a good punchline. Pro tip: owning her merchandise is a great head-start. Also, this video helps me cover her classic Tuesday Comments format for you to see.
Don't you feel like a dick brandishing this? Yes. Yes I do. But I don't care.
---
DailyGrace LIVE - 9/4/12 (Full Ep)
What is this? One of the many My Damn Channel live shows that Grace had hosted in the past. This was regular before she moved to L.A. It also happens to be video proof that no one knows how to pronounce my old online alias "Chingie" (fun fact: it's pronounced as 'Chingy').
When are you mentioned? 6:10
How did you get on there? For these live shows, the staff of My Damn Channel pull live YouTube comments throughout the show for Grace to read. I've watched many of these shows, but never live, because the US time they stream them at is always inconvenient for me. But one night, I was determined, and luckily, it paid off the one time I tried it.
Don't you feel like a dick brandishing this too? Yes, I still do. And I still don't care.
---
That wraps up today's feature! Do note that this was extra long, simply because Daily Grace is my favourite and it was just too hard for me to pick from her extensive compendium of videos (and I'm sure the bonus round didn't help to shorten things). In future, I'll definitely try to trim these down! So what do you think? Will you be watching more of Daily Grace's awkward antics, or is she just not your cup of funny?
Hey Lok At These YouTubers
For those that don't know me, I watch a lot of YouTube. I think it's an incredible platform that has opened up the doors to content creators everywhere that we would've never otherwise seen. And things have come a long, long way since its inception when you look at the amazing quality, breadth and community that exists on the site nowadays. There are entire production companies that have been built from the ground up, solely on YouTube. It's not just all cute cat videos and people getting hit in the nuts.
Watching YouTube is something I do on a daily basis, but I don't just watch single videos - I follow YouTubers. And this is something I hope to share. Here's how I plan to do it:
This will be a continuing series of blog posts I will be writing (in between the regular stuff) to feature some of my favourite YouTube channels, and hopefully you will be able to discover ones that you may want to keep watching. The category of videos will range from vlogs (i.e. video log - this'll be a term you'll get used to), dance, music, news, comedy and other fun stuff, so there's sure to be something for everyone! Except for make-up tutorials. I'll have none of that.
But instead of just writing about the videos, I'm going to let the content speak for itself. I'm sure all these 'Tubers have been profiled before, so instead, I'm going to feature and explain a selection of videos from each channel.
As for your part, I hope that you will take the time to watch these individual videos, and at the end, vote for the fate of the YouTube channel:
SUBSCRIBE
- meaning you like what you see, and you'd like to either subscribe to the channel or watch more videos
or
PASS
- meaning you think I have terrible taste, and you're not going to subscribe and won't be watching anymore
So, without further ado, what better way to start this series than with my favourite YouTuber of all time, and today's featured channel:
DailyGrace
www.youtube.com/dailygrace
 |
| Check out saengking for epic DailyGrace GIFs! |
Introduction:
Grace Helbig, a.k.a. Daily Grace, runs a daily vlog every weekday, each with a theme: Monday Miscellaneous, Tuesday Comments, Wednesday Reviews, Thursday How-to's, and the infamous, Sexy Friday. She is pretty much a heavyweight when it comes to comedy content on YouTube, so it will be of no surprise if you have seen her stuff before. Her sense of humour is something that grows on you, and she's often quoted as describing herself as the awkward older sister that tries to imbue wisdom on you as the younger sibling, but more often than not, fails at it.
Here is my selection of Daily Grace videos:
---
Good videos to start with:
STICK IT IN HIS BUTT
What is this? Daily Gradvice, a version of Sexy Fridays where Grace gives love, sex and relationship advice sent in by viewers. 'Advice' is probably used too loosely here.
Why this one? Classic Daily Grace sarcasm and unashamed humour. This dates back to quite a while ago, so this was during her more sarcastic phase, as her more recent content is a bit goofier. Still, this one captures the embarrassingly open flavour of her channel, and as good a place to start as any, if you ask me.
---
TAMPONS
What is this? Grace teaching you how tampons work. Yes, it is awkward as it sounds.
Why this one? This encapsulates the awkward older sister persona that Grace plays. Coincidentally, she is in fact an older sister to a younger brother. In this video, her humour is a lot more representative of the type of content she is most famous for, where it's so cringeworthy that it's funny. This was voted as one of the top five Daily Grace videos by fans.
---
AWKWARDLY SEXY
What is this? Another Sexy Friday episode. They're just too good, and this one's short and sweet.
Why this one? Another top voted video, and a good example of the types of gimmicks Grace likes to employ as the theme of an episode. Maybe worth pointing out here that she's an actress as well, with varying successes on the Internet and on TV; you really see that talent shine through here.
---
BAFFLE LAFFLE TAFFLE
What is this? A how-to on how to make a BLT made with waffles instead of bread, a.k.a. a Baffle Laffle Taffle. Yes, she invented it - and still manages to mispronounce it.
Why this one? For a fair few months, Grace made a series of cooking videos on her Thursday How-to's. These were wildly popular, as most of the time, she makes up dishes, doesn't plan very far ahead and almost always fails to find the right utensils/ingredients in her small, ill-equipped kitchen. But somehow, they usually tend to end up surprisingly successful. Also, don't quote her on any of her 'factoids'.
---
First video I ever watched:
I AM NOW A WOMAN
How did you get to it? I got linked to it as a recommended video through a "California On" video by Kassem G doing interviews at said convention. Promise.
---
My favourite:
LADY GAGA "HAIR"
What is this? Grace mis-lip syncs to Lady Gaga's Hair.
Why this one? There were just too many to choose from, but I went with this one for a personal reason. I was going through some tough times when I discovered Daily Grace, but watching her videos was a nice way to just forget about everything and cheer myself up at the end of each day. This was the one that really made me laugh out loud, over and over again.
---
BONUS ROUND - My claim to fame:
This is a one-time exception bonus round! Grace is my favourite YouTuber, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to be mentioned in not one, but TWO of her videos. I just had to share this. Please watch whilst I slowly stroke my ego.
I HAVE CONDOMS
When are you mentioned? 2:02
How did you get on there? As you might notice in every Tuesday video, Grace will always explain how it works: "For all of you that don't know, whenever a new viewser comments on one of my videos, I haze the crap out of them and welcome them to the Daily Grace family. How do I know it's a new viewser? I don't know - I just guess" (it may not surprise you that I had those lines memorised - and you will soon, too). I got on there the way everyone else does - by being a set-up for a good punchline. Pro tip: owning her merchandise is a great head-start. Also, this video helps me cover her classic Tuesday Comments format for you to see.
Don't you feel like a dick brandishing this? Yes. Yes I do. But I don't care.
---
DailyGrace LIVE - 9/4/12 (Full Ep)
What is this? One of the many My Damn Channel live shows that Grace had hosted in the past. This was regular before she moved to L.A. It also happens to be video proof that no one knows how to pronounce my old online alias "Chingie" (fun fact: it's pronounced as 'Chingy').
When are you mentioned? 6:10
How did you get on there? For these live shows, the staff of My Damn Channel pull live YouTube comments throughout the show for Grace to read. I've watched many of these shows, but never live, because the US time they stream them at is always inconvenient for me. But one night, I was determined, and luckily, it paid off the one time I tried it.
Don't you feel like a dick brandishing this too? Yes, I still do. And I still don't care.
---
That wraps up today's feature! Do note that this was extra long, simply because Daily Grace is my favourite and it was just too hard for me to pick from her extensive compendium of videos (and I'm sure the bonus round didn't help to shorten things). In future, I'll definitely try to trim these down! So what do you think? Will you be watching more of Daily Grace's awkward antics, or is she just not your cup of funny?
Daily Grace: Subscribe or Pass?
Monday, 9 September 2013
Turning Twenty-Two
Before the well wishes come flying in (my imaginary readers are very vocal), it's not my birthday just yet. In fact, I'm already twenty-two (no lie - just ask Taylor). This is really just a re-telling of something that happened to me last year. That might sound terribly uncreative, but I'm hoping there's value for my readers in what I'm about to write. But what would you know? You're imaginary.
What I'm referring to when I say I "turned twenty-two" is when I made my resolutions just under a year ago. But not on my own birthday, nor on New Year's Day. I just woke up one random day in October... and decided to live life differently. I've never thought chapter-ending moments in life would occur so snappily, but for me, this one time, it did. But to be honest, looking back, this was probably the culmination of almost three years' worth of thought and consideration.
A lot of my current personal philosophies are based around those resolutions, which have led me (physically, mentally and emotionally) to where I am now - even to the extent of me writing this blog post right this moment. I'm sure many of them will become the topics of currently-imaginary-but-soon-to-be blog posts (I guess in that sense, you will be able to relate to them) - whether you like it or not! I'm kidding, of course. Please like me and please don't stop reading.
If I dare say so myself, I'm rather proud of how far I've gotten in these eleven months - just from that one morning of deciding to get behind the steering wheel in my head. And for me, that was very much the crux of everything that was to follow: taking back control. I won't bore you with the details (I'm sure you have imaginary parties to get to), but it was basically akin to being in the driver seat finally after sitting aside for so long. Instead of just riding along as the car goes on its way, now I can (or rather, allow myself to) make the turns I want to, knowing that it was my own foot on the pedal, propelling me forward. And it felt good.
And so it was that day in October that I decided to turn twenty-two, even though my actual twenty-second birthday was the following March. And now, just about a month away from the anniversary, I've begun to think that this should be more of a thing.
Birthdays happen to you whether you do something about it or not. New Year's the same. Effectively, you earn your birthday by surviving 365 days, and, thankfully, that's a relatively achievable objective for most of us at this age. But whether you do something awesome for a year, or get absolutely nowhere in that same time, you still get your birthday - and you still turn a year older, along with the gravity that is associated with that moment. Don't get me wrong, though; I love birthdays. I love the idea of celebrating a person and their growth over the course of one year, and I think we could all take a little time and effort out of our day to appreciate and be grateful for someone on their one dedicated special day. And definitely don't think for even a second that I'm not celebrating my actual twenty-third birthday in March (bring presents, everybody). But by having your birthday set on a specific date, by saying you automatically become a year older (and everything that comes with it) because you simply surpassed that day, just doesn't quite feel like you've consciously made the decision to grow up. It just sort of happened to you.
When I made my resolutions, I felt a change within me. In fact, I knew things were about to change because I was about to make them happen (or at the very least, try). And it was then that I decided, at that moment, I was going to turn twenty-two. I was going to mature to my next age, and all that that should entail. Goodbye, twenty-one-year-old me.
So what's this to you? Probably nothing. But perhaps a thought to consider: when was the last time you turned a year older? Was it on your birthday? I hope this story of mine might help you realise that it doesn't necessarily have to be your birthday to choose to be more mature, to choose to make resolutions, or to choose to turn a year older. Today could be your next birthday.
As it nears the anniversary of my coming of age last October, ironically, I'm actually not going to celebrate it. That would effectively defeat the purpose of this entire post. Instead, I will be celebrating when I have achieved those goals I have set for myself, and become the version of me that I want to be. But since I've set both tangible and more continuous ones, I think for now, I'm just going to have a little birthday party for myself in my head - for reaching some of my goals, for being on track for others, for being ready to start the rest, and for finishing this blog post.
There's cake for everyone.
What I'm referring to when I say I "turned twenty-two" is when I made my resolutions just under a year ago. But not on my own birthday, nor on New Year's Day. I just woke up one random day in October... and decided to live life differently. I've never thought chapter-ending moments in life would occur so snappily, but for me, this one time, it did. But to be honest, looking back, this was probably the culmination of almost three years' worth of thought and consideration.
A lot of my current personal philosophies are based around those resolutions, which have led me (physically, mentally and emotionally) to where I am now - even to the extent of me writing this blog post right this moment. I'm sure many of them will become the topics of currently-imaginary-but-soon-to-be blog posts (I guess in that sense, you will be able to relate to them) - whether you like it or not! I'm kidding, of course. Please like me and please don't stop reading.
If I dare say so myself, I'm rather proud of how far I've gotten in these eleven months - just from that one morning of deciding to get behind the steering wheel in my head. And for me, that was very much the crux of everything that was to follow: taking back control. I won't bore you with the details (I'm sure you have imaginary parties to get to), but it was basically akin to being in the driver seat finally after sitting aside for so long. Instead of just riding along as the car goes on its way, now I can (or rather, allow myself to) make the turns I want to, knowing that it was my own foot on the pedal, propelling me forward. And it felt good.
And so it was that day in October that I decided to turn twenty-two, even though my actual twenty-second birthday was the following March. And now, just about a month away from the anniversary, I've begun to think that this should be more of a thing.
Birthdays happen to you whether you do something about it or not. New Year's the same. Effectively, you earn your birthday by surviving 365 days, and, thankfully, that's a relatively achievable objective for most of us at this age. But whether you do something awesome for a year, or get absolutely nowhere in that same time, you still get your birthday - and you still turn a year older, along with the gravity that is associated with that moment. Don't get me wrong, though; I love birthdays. I love the idea of celebrating a person and their growth over the course of one year, and I think we could all take a little time and effort out of our day to appreciate and be grateful for someone on their one dedicated special day. And definitely don't think for even a second that I'm not celebrating my actual twenty-third birthday in March (bring presents, everybody). But by having your birthday set on a specific date, by saying you automatically become a year older (and everything that comes with it) because you simply surpassed that day, just doesn't quite feel like you've consciously made the decision to grow up. It just sort of happened to you.
When I made my resolutions, I felt a change within me. In fact, I knew things were about to change because I was about to make them happen (or at the very least, try). And it was then that I decided, at that moment, I was going to turn twenty-two. I was going to mature to my next age, and all that that should entail. Goodbye, twenty-one-year-old me.
So what's this to you? Probably nothing. But perhaps a thought to consider: when was the last time you turned a year older? Was it on your birthday? I hope this story of mine might help you realise that it doesn't necessarily have to be your birthday to choose to be more mature, to choose to make resolutions, or to choose to turn a year older. Today could be your next birthday.
As it nears the anniversary of my coming of age last October, ironically, I'm actually not going to celebrate it. That would effectively defeat the purpose of this entire post. Instead, I will be celebrating when I have achieved those goals I have set for myself, and become the version of me that I want to be. But since I've set both tangible and more continuous ones, I think for now, I'm just going to have a little birthday party for myself in my head - for reaching some of my goals, for being on track for others, for being ready to start the rest, and for finishing this blog post.
There's cake for everyone.
Friday, 6 September 2013
Racist Or Xenophobic: A Bus Stop Encounter
Speaking to strangers is one of those things I just don't do very well. Basically, if I don't know you or have any prerequisite information about you, I will instantaneously acquire a speech impediment and be unable to form comprehensible sentences. So you can imagine my horror when whilst waiting for the bus to work this rainy morning, a stranger approached me.
And strange he was. This scruffy, unshaven man in his late forties was hobbling over, smoking a cigarette and wearing army attire (why do the strangest people always wear camouflage?). I was plugged into my music, and casually checking the time, before he said something that required me to pull away from Katy Perry's Roar (I'm fabulous):
"'Ave you been waiting long?"
"Just a few minutes. The bus should be here in about five, though."
So far, so good. I was trying to be helpful. But of course, this is the logical question that follows:
"Where you from? China, or Japan?"
Now, ignoring the fact that he so rudely and abruptly demanded me to declare my nationality (maybe the UK has now implemented border control at bus stops, too?), why have I suddenly entered Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and used my 50/50, so that I may only choose from two answers? Can I phone a friend on this one?
"China."
If you're only going to give me the choice of either being Chinese or Japanese, I'm not even going to bother explaining my dual Hong Kong-British nationality - that'd be as complicated as explaining Wolverine's origins. But yes, I am Chinese, so to speak. That I'm not denying, nor ashamed of.
To my one-worded response, this man grunted and rolled his eyes, as if I had picked the worse of the two options (perhaps he was right. Maybe I SHOULD be Japanese instead. That's how it works, right? I just magically transform into another form of Asian? It's like evolving Eevee with a different Evolution Stone).
"What you doin' here?"
I was about to inject a diversion into the situation by saying "waiting for the bus", but before I could even say anything:
"Why are you in England? Isn't China doing really well?"
It was at this point I realised this was going to be a long five minutes. I didn't need this first thing in the morning, before my morning cup of tea (no sugar, if you were wondering). And so I thought I'd give my last response to this interrogation, before proceeding to the next chorus of Roar:
"I was born here, and I live here. My parents are from China."
Side note: also not precisely true, but pretty close, as they are from Hong Kong. But at this point, if I said the words "Hong Kong", I'm thinking he's imagining I originated from the belly of a giant ape that scaled the Empire State Building. But I was in fact born in Nottingham (grew up in Hong Kong), and I do now live in London.
And again, he seemed disgruntled at this answer - angry, even. Is there an answer booklet? I'd like to see where I am losing my marks for this exam. I really would like to pass.
But I was already plugged back in and hoping that Katy's voice will not only summon courage within me, but also a bus, three minutes earlier than scheduled (I was counting down). But lo, the questioning wasn't over it seems, as he kept talking, and was motioning for my attention. Normally, I would ignore such a person and just keep listening to my music, but he was walking towards me, so I decided to just hear him out before he came within touching proximity (ewww):
"Really, why are you even here? I hear things are fine in China. Why aren't you there?"
Oh no, not this question again! I already gave a poor answer last time, is this my second chance to correct myself? D, I choose D! And that's my final answer!
But there was no multiple choice this time, so I just gave the first answer that came to mind: "Here's better, I guess."
Flattery towards your country, is that going to work then? Apparently not, according to the gritting of his teeth. I'd like elaborate here that what I meant was that London is a better place to get career experience in English copywriting. That's what I had in mind, but I'm sure this point would've flown over this man's head, much like general manners.
"Huh. 'Here's better'."
Again, I plugged back in, but paused the music just to be more cautious (Katy can wait). But by then, he was so close to me, he was able to purposefully blow smoke in my direction. Now, the questioning - fine; I can muster a few words whilst I wait in the rain. But I am NOT about to smell like Satan's bumhole for the rest of the day because this stranger feels my answers to be inadequate. So I shuffle away from his emissions and turn away - I wasn't even going to bother trying to tell him to stop.
And so I thought that was that. To my surprise, it seems that I had transformed into the Joker, and I had not yet told this Dark Knight where Rachel is, so the interrogation must continue:
"Where you headin'? College, or work?"
50/50, again! Why can't I be heading off to slay a fire-breathing dragon? By now, I figured which answer would've best pleased him, but screw it:
"Work. I'm going to work."
And then this answer really ticked him off. I had committed the unforgivable sin of being employed and working for a salary - I'm such a downright scoundrel. In fact, had I not applied and got this position as Marketing Executive at this online company, I'm sure he was next in consideration. His CV and interview skills must've been equally impressive. Damn me and my job-thieving intentions. So I surely must've deserved the following line, spat under his foul breath:
"Go back to where you belong..."
I decided to end the conversation here. This time I really was going to plug in and ignore him. Only a minute left before I can leave this horrible predicament. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was agitatedly jabbering away still. I walked further away and mentally shooed him off.
So there we were: me, begging for the 142 to come around the corner, and him, furious as to why I wasn't immediately buying a one-way ticket to Beijing on my phone (I really should take my British passport with me out more often, so I can prove my nationality and be ready to deport myself at Heathrow a.s.a.p.).
What happened next was probably better than the bus arriving though. Two lovely ladies came to the bus stop, probably heading off to work too - and both wearing hijabs. You could see the man literally shift aside at their approach, followed by another troll-like grunt. Picture it: the uncomfortable and aggressive self-nominated immigration officer was suddenly the minority under this bus shelter.
A lengthy ten seconds later, finally the 142 had arrived. I let the two ladies onto the bus first, and as Sir Smokesalot was standing closer to its entrance (and this being the only bus that comes by this stop), I motioned for him to get on before me:
"After you." Pro tip: being extra polite to someone that is rude really annoys them.
To this, he shook his head, sneered at me and turned around. Oh well. Some of us have work to get to. So I hopped onto the bus and thanked Katy for telling me I'm a champion. As I looked out of the window, I had noticed that Mr. Grumpy (not to be confused with Grumpy Cat - she's much nicer) was still standing under the bus shelter, most likely waiting for the next bus. It seems the one I was on was heading to Shanghai (I hope I have enough on my Oyster card). But all the better - he can stay in the rain. I don't want him on my bus anyway.
Now, having told the entire story, I feel a little better. Scathing sarcasm posted online without one's knowledge is my way of fighting back (non-confrontational, much?). Was I offended? Yes, a little. But he's not worth the thought, so I ushered him out of my head until I decided to write this post. And it's not like he did very much towards me. Petty racism is something I've learnt to deal with growing up. I know there are much more severe racial injustices around the world than just bus stop interrogations, so I hate to admit it still irks me a bit.
But I do have a question at the end of all this: do you think he's racist, or xenophobic? As very basic definitions, racism is the hatred or discrimination of others based only on the irrational grounds of their race, skin colour, or culture, and xenophobia is the fear of the foreign and the unknown. Was he spewing his questions because he hated me for my ethnic background, or did he actually fear the unknown factor derived from a heritage different from his? But hey! This isn't Who Wants To Be A Millionaire - maybe he's neither, and there's a third option. I'm not going to put you under the same rules.
Who am I kidding? It must've been because he's not a Katy Perry fan.
And strange he was. This scruffy, unshaven man in his late forties was hobbling over, smoking a cigarette and wearing army attire (why do the strangest people always wear camouflage?). I was plugged into my music, and casually checking the time, before he said something that required me to pull away from Katy Perry's Roar (I'm fabulous):
"'Ave you been waiting long?"
"Just a few minutes. The bus should be here in about five, though."
So far, so good. I was trying to be helpful. But of course, this is the logical question that follows:
"Where you from? China, or Japan?"
Now, ignoring the fact that he so rudely and abruptly demanded me to declare my nationality (maybe the UK has now implemented border control at bus stops, too?), why have I suddenly entered Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and used my 50/50, so that I may only choose from two answers? Can I phone a friend on this one?
"China."
If you're only going to give me the choice of either being Chinese or Japanese, I'm not even going to bother explaining my dual Hong Kong-British nationality - that'd be as complicated as explaining Wolverine's origins. But yes, I am Chinese, so to speak. That I'm not denying, nor ashamed of.
To my one-worded response, this man grunted and rolled his eyes, as if I had picked the worse of the two options (perhaps he was right. Maybe I SHOULD be Japanese instead. That's how it works, right? I just magically transform into another form of Asian? It's like evolving Eevee with a different Evolution Stone).
"What you doin' here?"
I was about to inject a diversion into the situation by saying "waiting for the bus", but before I could even say anything:
"Why are you in England? Isn't China doing really well?"
It was at this point I realised this was going to be a long five minutes. I didn't need this first thing in the morning, before my morning cup of tea (no sugar, if you were wondering). And so I thought I'd give my last response to this interrogation, before proceeding to the next chorus of Roar:
"I was born here, and I live here. My parents are from China."
Side note: also not precisely true, but pretty close, as they are from Hong Kong. But at this point, if I said the words "Hong Kong", I'm thinking he's imagining I originated from the belly of a giant ape that scaled the Empire State Building. But I was in fact born in Nottingham (grew up in Hong Kong), and I do now live in London.
And again, he seemed disgruntled at this answer - angry, even. Is there an answer booklet? I'd like to see where I am losing my marks for this exam. I really would like to pass.
But I was already plugged back in and hoping that Katy's voice will not only summon courage within me, but also a bus, three minutes earlier than scheduled (I was counting down). But lo, the questioning wasn't over it seems, as he kept talking, and was motioning for my attention. Normally, I would ignore such a person and just keep listening to my music, but he was walking towards me, so I decided to just hear him out before he came within touching proximity (ewww):
"Really, why are you even here? I hear things are fine in China. Why aren't you there?"
Oh no, not this question again! I already gave a poor answer last time, is this my second chance to correct myself? D, I choose D! And that's my final answer!
But there was no multiple choice this time, so I just gave the first answer that came to mind: "Here's better, I guess."
Flattery towards your country, is that going to work then? Apparently not, according to the gritting of his teeth. I'd like elaborate here that what I meant was that London is a better place to get career experience in English copywriting. That's what I had in mind, but I'm sure this point would've flown over this man's head, much like general manners.
"Huh. 'Here's better'."
Again, I plugged back in, but paused the music just to be more cautious (Katy can wait). But by then, he was so close to me, he was able to purposefully blow smoke in my direction. Now, the questioning - fine; I can muster a few words whilst I wait in the rain. But I am NOT about to smell like Satan's bumhole for the rest of the day because this stranger feels my answers to be inadequate. So I shuffle away from his emissions and turn away - I wasn't even going to bother trying to tell him to stop.
And so I thought that was that. To my surprise, it seems that I had transformed into the Joker, and I had not yet told this Dark Knight where Rachel is, so the interrogation must continue:
"Where you headin'? College, or work?"
50/50, again! Why can't I be heading off to slay a fire-breathing dragon? By now, I figured which answer would've best pleased him, but screw it:
"Work. I'm going to work."
And then this answer really ticked him off. I had committed the unforgivable sin of being employed and working for a salary - I'm such a downright scoundrel. In fact, had I not applied and got this position as Marketing Executive at this online company, I'm sure he was next in consideration. His CV and interview skills must've been equally impressive. Damn me and my job-thieving intentions. So I surely must've deserved the following line, spat under his foul breath:
"Go back to where you belong..."
I decided to end the conversation here. This time I really was going to plug in and ignore him. Only a minute left before I can leave this horrible predicament. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was agitatedly jabbering away still. I walked further away and mentally shooed him off.
So there we were: me, begging for the 142 to come around the corner, and him, furious as to why I wasn't immediately buying a one-way ticket to Beijing on my phone (I really should take my British passport with me out more often, so I can prove my nationality and be ready to deport myself at Heathrow a.s.a.p.).
What happened next was probably better than the bus arriving though. Two lovely ladies came to the bus stop, probably heading off to work too - and both wearing hijabs. You could see the man literally shift aside at their approach, followed by another troll-like grunt. Picture it: the uncomfortable and aggressive self-nominated immigration officer was suddenly the minority under this bus shelter.
A lengthy ten seconds later, finally the 142 had arrived. I let the two ladies onto the bus first, and as Sir Smokesalot was standing closer to its entrance (and this being the only bus that comes by this stop), I motioned for him to get on before me:
"After you." Pro tip: being extra polite to someone that is rude really annoys them.
To this, he shook his head, sneered at me and turned around. Oh well. Some of us have work to get to. So I hopped onto the bus and thanked Katy for telling me I'm a champion. As I looked out of the window, I had noticed that Mr. Grumpy (not to be confused with Grumpy Cat - she's much nicer) was still standing under the bus shelter, most likely waiting for the next bus. It seems the one I was on was heading to Shanghai (I hope I have enough on my Oyster card). But all the better - he can stay in the rain. I don't want him on my bus anyway.
Now, having told the entire story, I feel a little better. Scathing sarcasm posted online without one's knowledge is my way of fighting back (non-confrontational, much?). Was I offended? Yes, a little. But he's not worth the thought, so I ushered him out of my head until I decided to write this post. And it's not like he did very much towards me. Petty racism is something I've learnt to deal with growing up. I know there are much more severe racial injustices around the world than just bus stop interrogations, so I hate to admit it still irks me a bit.
But I do have a question at the end of all this: do you think he's racist, or xenophobic? As very basic definitions, racism is the hatred or discrimination of others based only on the irrational grounds of their race, skin colour, or culture, and xenophobia is the fear of the foreign and the unknown. Was he spewing his questions because he hated me for my ethnic background, or did he actually fear the unknown factor derived from a heritage different from his? But hey! This isn't Who Wants To Be A Millionaire - maybe he's neither, and there's a third option. I'm not going to put you under the same rules.
Who am I kidding? It must've been because he's not a Katy Perry fan.
Tuesday, 3 September 2013
Excuses, Excuses
This is a blog post. And it is published.
Prior to starting this blog, I was very self-aware that I would leave it unattended, like a neglectful father (see - my metaphors come full circle). This may seem like the present state, but trust me: I'm constantly thinking about this thing. That's why there are three drafts sitting in the backseat of my blog, ready to go. I had written them over the past week or so, but never had the courage to click on the ever-so-daunting 'Publish' button, part of the reason being two of said drafts include quite personal and embarrassing recent experiences. I want to share them, but I don't know if that's the best idea for me or my (few) readers. But mostly, I think it's because I wasn't in the mood at the time (I hope this doesn't become something I hear constantly later in life). It was how I felt whilst writing it, but come the moment to actually share it, I wasn't feeling it anymore and just couldn't do it. And I don't know if I ever will. But what I do know is that I want to stop making excuses. I want to write what I publish, and publish what I write, because that's what I set out to do with this blog - for people to read my content.
So, in the swing of today's theme - 'Full Of Excuses' - I decided to tell an anecdote. Enjoy.
---
I had a friend at boarding school that, for all intents and purposes of this story, was not exactly a hard-working student. Great guy - but not the most studious, by any stretch of the definition.
We were in a couple of classes together back in the day of GCSE's, one of them being French (yes - I studied French for three years, and to this day, if I'm ever in France, I'll only ever be able to ask where the swimming pool or the library is). Now, essays were pretty much the norm when it came to homework, and I'd always hash them out as soon as possible, being the boring goody-two-shoes that I was. My friend on the other hand, wouldn't give it a fleeting thought until the night before it was due.
But he was never worried - he always had an excuse ready in his back pocket. In fact, I think he took delight in the numerous ways he was able to get out of doing French essays in particular, because our teacher was notably stringent when it came to deadlines.
And so we were in the same computer room one evening before one such deadline: me double-checking my future perfect tense, and him, staring at a blank Word document with an equally blank expression.
"Would you like some help with your essay?" (Side note: yes, I was THAT kid at school.)
He then stared at me for a moment, before he eureka-ed his way to an epiphany.
"Nah, that's all right. I just came up with something really good."
I then proceeded to watch him not eloquently write an entire French essay from memory, but instead Google and download a random Chinese font.
"Why on earth are you..."
"Oh, you'll see. This might be my best yet..."
He then continued to mash the keyboard with his palm, making sure to hit the space bar at regular intervals, like some blind four-year-old learning to play the piano, until he had filled an entire page on his Word document with nonsensical Chinese characters.
"Does that make any sense to you, Lawrence?"
"Um. No, not at all"
"Didn't think so!"
Saved. Closed. Done. And he left the room.
Come the next day in French class, the teacher was asking for our homework in. I handed her my triple-checked essay before she reached my friend's desk, where she saw that, for once, he wasn't empty-handed. He presented her with a thumbdrive, before explaining that he was unable to print out his essay because the ink from the printer in the computer room ran out. However, he was smart enough to save it on the USB so he could print it in class on her computer. How the teacher didn't wonder why I was able to produce a perfectly printed essay even though we were in the same boarding House, I'll never know. But I guess I'm nitpicking here, as I'm sure she was just surprised that he was promising some sort of completed work right then and there.
At this point, I guess it's worth noting that my then French teacher was not the most technically-minded person. But she knew how to work a USB into the computer and opened up the sole file in it. My friend gave me cheeky glance, as a precurse to the following scene that he had staged.
A look of bewilderment came across the teacher's face, as her version of Word failed to recognise all the Chinese that my friend had so thoughtfully typed out:
"Um. Okay. Could you come take a look at this? I don't know what's gone wrong."
My friend promptly walked up to her computer at the front of the room, just as curious as to what the problem was.
"Okay, so I opened up the document titled 'Mes Vacances', but all that comes up are these odd squares."
What followed was the most impressive piece of acting I have ever witnessed:
"Um... Wow. I really don't know what went wrong there. I swear I saved my essay just as it was. This is really strange. Don't know why it's gone and done that. I'm really sorry - I really did try to get this in on time today. I was working on it just last night. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it, and it definitely looks like it's all there... But it's all messed up..."
His improv was on point - sincerely apologetic, with a slight tone of worry and concern for the safety of his non-existent efforts. And it worked like a charm.
"Oh, not to worry. It's not your fault. I'm sure you worked very hard to get this in on time. It's all right - you can just print it when your House's printer is working again. You can hand it in then."
My mind = blown.
My friend proudly waltzed back to his desk next to me, with a confident look on his face like he just pulled off the heist from Ocean's Eleven. The fact that he had the foresight that our teacher wouldn't figure out to just change the font of all his gibberish to decipher it on her computer, that he had an eye for the minute detail of titling his document correctly in French, and his flawless (and possibly rehearsed) performance to draw sympathy from an otherwise strict teacher that didn't have him in her good books, was ingenious.
And so, three days later, my friend asked if he could use my essay as a guideline for his. He wasn't worried that the teacher would find the two pieces similar - after all, she would've read so many between his and mine, she'd never be able to tell. Or so that's what he told me. I was convinced. Heck, I was so impressed by his con, I wouldn't have mind just writing a new one for him.
Sadly, he didn't get a great grade on that piece of homework. Somehow in the midst of his interpretation of mine, something had gone awry. But at least he handed something in that was in the relevant foreign language.
---
So I guess the moral of the story is, if you're going to make up an excuse, put the same amount of thought into it as it would've taken to actually do the work in the first place. Or maybe just do the work. That applies to both parts of this post. Writing this 'excuse' probably took just as much effort as any of my other unpublished posts. Maybe I should've just clicked the 'Publish' button on them after all.
Oddly enough, with that acting talent, I wonder sometimes why my friend didn't get perfect grades in Drama. But then again, it's probably because he never handed in any homework on time.
Prior to starting this blog, I was very self-aware that I would leave it unattended, like a neglectful father (see - my metaphors come full circle). This may seem like the present state, but trust me: I'm constantly thinking about this thing. That's why there are three drafts sitting in the backseat of my blog, ready to go. I had written them over the past week or so, but never had the courage to click on the ever-so-daunting 'Publish' button, part of the reason being two of said drafts include quite personal and embarrassing recent experiences. I want to share them, but I don't know if that's the best idea for me or my (few) readers. But mostly, I think it's because I wasn't in the mood at the time (I hope this doesn't become something I hear constantly later in life). It was how I felt whilst writing it, but come the moment to actually share it, I wasn't feeling it anymore and just couldn't do it. And I don't know if I ever will. But what I do know is that I want to stop making excuses. I want to write what I publish, and publish what I write, because that's what I set out to do with this blog - for people to read my content.
So, in the swing of today's theme - 'Full Of Excuses' - I decided to tell an anecdote. Enjoy.
---
I had a friend at boarding school that, for all intents and purposes of this story, was not exactly a hard-working student. Great guy - but not the most studious, by any stretch of the definition.
We were in a couple of classes together back in the day of GCSE's, one of them being French (yes - I studied French for three years, and to this day, if I'm ever in France, I'll only ever be able to ask where the swimming pool or the library is). Now, essays were pretty much the norm when it came to homework, and I'd always hash them out as soon as possible, being the boring goody-two-shoes that I was. My friend on the other hand, wouldn't give it a fleeting thought until the night before it was due.
But he was never worried - he always had an excuse ready in his back pocket. In fact, I think he took delight in the numerous ways he was able to get out of doing French essays in particular, because our teacher was notably stringent when it came to deadlines.
And so we were in the same computer room one evening before one such deadline: me double-checking my future perfect tense, and him, staring at a blank Word document with an equally blank expression.
"Would you like some help with your essay?" (Side note: yes, I was THAT kid at school.)
He then stared at me for a moment, before he eureka-ed his way to an epiphany.
"Nah, that's all right. I just came up with something really good."
I then proceeded to watch him not eloquently write an entire French essay from memory, but instead Google and download a random Chinese font.
"Why on earth are you..."
"Oh, you'll see. This might be my best yet..."
He then continued to mash the keyboard with his palm, making sure to hit the space bar at regular intervals, like some blind four-year-old learning to play the piano, until he had filled an entire page on his Word document with nonsensical Chinese characters.
"Does that make any sense to you, Lawrence?"
"Um. No, not at all"
"Didn't think so!"
Saved. Closed. Done. And he left the room.
Come the next day in French class, the teacher was asking for our homework in. I handed her my triple-checked essay before she reached my friend's desk, where she saw that, for once, he wasn't empty-handed. He presented her with a thumbdrive, before explaining that he was unable to print out his essay because the ink from the printer in the computer room ran out. However, he was smart enough to save it on the USB so he could print it in class on her computer. How the teacher didn't wonder why I was able to produce a perfectly printed essay even though we were in the same boarding House, I'll never know. But I guess I'm nitpicking here, as I'm sure she was just surprised that he was promising some sort of completed work right then and there.
At this point, I guess it's worth noting that my then French teacher was not the most technically-minded person. But she knew how to work a USB into the computer and opened up the sole file in it. My friend gave me cheeky glance, as a precurse to the following scene that he had staged.
"��� ��������
�� ��� ��� ������ ��� ���� ����� ��� �� ����� ��� ������ �� ������ ������ ��� ���� ������ ��� �� �� �� ������ �� � ���� �� �� � ��� ���� � ����������� �� �� �� ����� ��� ����� � ����� �� ���� ��� ����� ����"
"Um. Okay. Could you come take a look at this? I don't know what's gone wrong."
My friend promptly walked up to her computer at the front of the room, just as curious as to what the problem was.
"Okay, so I opened up the document titled 'Mes Vacances', but all that comes up are these odd squares."
What followed was the most impressive piece of acting I have ever witnessed:
"Um... Wow. I really don't know what went wrong there. I swear I saved my essay just as it was. This is really strange. Don't know why it's gone and done that. I'm really sorry - I really did try to get this in on time today. I was working on it just last night. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it, and it definitely looks like it's all there... But it's all messed up..."
His improv was on point - sincerely apologetic, with a slight tone of worry and concern for the safety of his non-existent efforts. And it worked like a charm.
"Oh, not to worry. It's not your fault. I'm sure you worked very hard to get this in on time. It's all right - you can just print it when your House's printer is working again. You can hand it in then."
My mind = blown.
My friend proudly waltzed back to his desk next to me, with a confident look on his face like he just pulled off the heist from Ocean's Eleven. The fact that he had the foresight that our teacher wouldn't figure out to just change the font of all his gibberish to decipher it on her computer, that he had an eye for the minute detail of titling his document correctly in French, and his flawless (and possibly rehearsed) performance to draw sympathy from an otherwise strict teacher that didn't have him in her good books, was ingenious.
And so, three days later, my friend asked if he could use my essay as a guideline for his. He wasn't worried that the teacher would find the two pieces similar - after all, she would've read so many between his and mine, she'd never be able to tell. Or so that's what he told me. I was convinced. Heck, I was so impressed by his con, I wouldn't have mind just writing a new one for him.
Sadly, he didn't get a great grade on that piece of homework. Somehow in the midst of his interpretation of mine, something had gone awry. But at least he handed something in that was in the relevant foreign language.
---
So I guess the moral of the story is, if you're going to make up an excuse, put the same amount of thought into it as it would've taken to actually do the work in the first place. Or maybe just do the work. That applies to both parts of this post. Writing this 'excuse' probably took just as much effort as any of my other unpublished posts. Maybe I should've just clicked the 'Publish' button on them after all.
Oddly enough, with that acting talent, I wonder sometimes why my friend didn't get perfect grades in Drama. But then again, it's probably because he never handed in any homework on time.
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