Apparently, that means I should be spending it with a loved one.
Apparently, that requires a loved one.
Apparently, I shall be blogging instead.
Here's one I made earlier.
We all love differently. Yes, it is true that we have similar relationships, such as the ones we have with family, friends, and partners, and we do all share love with those people. We care about them, we trust them, we want to make them happy... the whole shebang. But when you say "I love you" to these people, what does it really mean?
There is no single definition of love (put away your dictionaries, please). When we each love another person, that connection we feel is very personal and unique. So how do we then go about valuing love? How can we say that we truly love someone, or are truly loved by someone?
 |
| The titular character from the Pixar short, The Blue Umbrella, which I made. |
I was discussing this topic with a good friend of mine, and the analogy of money as love came to mind that I found easy to understand (I know it sounds cold, but bear with me). For each individual connection we have with another person, wealth would represent how much love we have to give, and the spending of the money would be expressions of love, whatever that may be. Say for example, two people are dating. The man tells the woman, "I'm filthy rich, but I can't show you my bank account or tell you how much money I have". The woman only has this man's word to believe, so she can only depend on what he is willing to spend on her. Sadly, he replies, "Sorry babe. All my money is locked up in bonds right now. I can't tell you for sure when I'll be able to spend money on you, but it might happen in the future. But I really am rich". Now the woman is a little more unsure. What if he ends up never spending any money on her at all? But this woman is devoted, and decides to stick around with this supposedly 'rich' man. Some time down the line, that fateful day arrives. "Honey," he says, "the bonds have opened up! I can now finally spend my money on you!". Fantastic - it was what she had been hoping for. But to her dismay, he continued, "I can spend all of my £10 on you now!".
It's a bit far-fetched, I know. Relationships of love are never easily simplified (and how dare I compare precious love to cold, hard cash!), but the point I was trying to bring forward was that the man was not actually lying about being rich. Sure, it would've been better if he were able to express his love earlier on, but these things take time to learn. But he certainly didn't lie about being rich. See, because in his eyes, having £10 could mean being 'rich'. You can't blame him for having different values of what counts as being 'rich'. And yes, maybe the woman did expect more, but she also did no wrong by valuing 'rich' as more than £10.
Sometimes, it's not even about what you value as the love you can give, but how you value love. Because we all see our own form of love from our own angles, it's not entirely impossible for someone that is selfish, demanding, or even abusive, to think that they are in love with their partner. To them, their words and actions are suitable of a loving relationship, and in their minds, they are being as loving as they can be. They can still say "I love you", and fully mean it. But in actual fact, it really depends on how the other person values and receives this love, and what it means to them.
The other takeaway I was trying to make with my analogy is that wealth does not equate expenditure (I have a feeling my economics friends are rubbing off on me). You can be the richest man on earth, having all the love to give to devote to one person, but what does it mean if you can't spend any of it? Why would it matter if you are fully capable of endearing love if you can't express it to that person? That person wouldn't get anything out of that belief. Furthermore, as I discussed before, what is to say that that wealth exists if there is no proof of it? Could you be lying to yourself and others?
I know this all seems very doubtful of those that say they love and I come across as very bitter (Bah! Bumhug! That's the phrase, right?), but I don't mean it that way. Some people find it easier to 'spend' their love more so than others; we're all different in our expressions. And at other times, believing in someone that they love you is enough. The woman in my analogy wasn't being blind or foolish - she was being faithful and committed. Maybe for most people, they would want and ask for more money. But maybe for her, she only needs a little expenditure, and that would be sufficient to make her happy.
And there are certainly different ways of expressing our feelings for others. Where one man may employ elaborate and grand gestures of adoration using timed fireworks, choreographed dancers and synchronised flying doves, the simple embrace of another man may mean equally as much to their respective partners. All this talk about money spending might make me sound very shallow, but these expressions might not even be physical actions. It could be the emotional support when things get rough, the little considerate thoughts and time devoted to listening and understanding, or the kind words that make their day. And as receivers of love, we may seek and ask for different things too. But the important balance in relationships is to understand both the capabilities of giving love, and the desired expectations of receiving love. When two people are in a bond where their capabilities and expectations meet for one another, that is when you have a strong, healthy, and wonderful relationship.
And don't think I'm only talking about lovers (that word somehow makes me cringe); this goes for all types of relationships. Whether you're relearning what your mother would like to hear you say on Mother's Day, or you've got your friend's back in his time of need, or you're looking to take your relationship to the next level of commitment, we need to grasp and accept our counterpart's values of love. How should they see me as a person? What types of responsibilities should I uptake for them? What can they trust me with? What can I do to make them happy? How should I support different aspects of their life? What do they regard as expressions of love?
So I think back to my own wealth and my own spending with each person that I care about. I have been very lucky to have such giving people in my life, so I try to consider what ways I can spend my love on them, and wonder if I have enough to give. But the truth behind my analogy is that we are all rich. We can all be billionaires, with plenty to spare. As humans, we are all capable of being rich with love. It just depends on whether we allow ourselves to be full of love, whether we can learn how to express it in the right way for each of our counterparts, and whether we are willing to when we do know how.
So... anyone have any spare change?
No comments:
Post a Comment