More Or Less

I've recently been chatting to a friend regarding the idea of liking someone more than a previous partner. It struck me as an odd statement, but not because it hasn't been said before. In fact, I think the concept of comparing "likableness" is quite common. After all, this new person is still filling the "boyfriend" role, so it's not unfathomable that one would compare with previous candidates. Even with friends, why do we have "best friends" and just normal "friends"? Oh, and the god-tier of "BFF"?

The reason I found this odd was because I don't really think of relationships as being comparable, even when they occupy the same role. It's like saying that I like chocolate ice cream (which I do!), and then telling me to compare which is more chocolatey: my current favourite chocolate ice cream, or this brand new strawberry ice cream. They're two different flavours! Granted, they're both ice creams, but I like them for different reasons. Both are scrumptious to me, and I'd happily devour either (this is not me promoting polygamy).

I didn't have to look very hard in my phone for a picture
of ice cream. That says a lot about me.

Perhaps a more realistic example would be my two brothers. I love them both very much, and I couldn't ask for better people to my siblings. But I don't think of either to be the "better brother" - they're both amazing in their own right. My eldest brother, I see as the person I look up to the most. He is protective, responsible and caring, and a better man than I will ever be. My second brother is the most heart-warming and thoughtful guy I know. Truly a loyalist and always genuine, if I am ever half as fun-loving as he is, I'd count myself lucky. Both great people, both great brothers. But I wouldn't compare them. The relationship I share with one brother is completely different to the one I share with the other.

I can see how some might say you can be better friends with one person over another. You may see that 'better' friend more often, share more intimate secrets with them, and generally feel closer. To me, I see all my friends as holding a definitively exclusive space in my mind. They all mean something different to me, for their own special reasons. We will come across so many people in our lives. They will all occupy different connections with us; some will be friends, some will be lovers, some will be family, some will be enemies. But none will be better or worse than the other. The bond that ties two people together is unique, like two distinctive colours mixing to become a one-of-a-kind hue.

So instead of answering my friend whether I think it's possible that she may love this new person more than her previous partner, I told her she will just love him differently. In fact, I don't even think it's possible to love a single person the same way continually. That connection will evolve and change. It's why couples have "honeymoon phases", which then grow into deeper, more meaningful ties. It's still infatuation, but a different breed.

Life is transient. Things change with time, moments come and go. As we grow older, we aspire for different things at different stages in our lives - one of those things being our relationships. I'm not saying that your relationships should change with the seasons, but it is how that feeling develops and grows with you as a person that really puts it to the test. And don't be afraid to make new friends, and love new people; you'd be surprised how much capacity your heart has.

Right now, I'm a chocolate ice cream kind of guy. And it's sad to say, that I dropped mine recently. But who knows? In the future, I may grow fond of the strawberry kind. Or maybe even vanilla. But so long as I have ice cream in my life, I'm good to go.