In the blurry haze of an evening of drinks, I was recently asked what my type was (for potential female partner, not blood type). After giving it some thought, I realised I didn't have an answer. If I'm honest, I don't have much data to work with; it was difficult to draw any conclusive pattern. So I figured maybe I'd imagine up the next girl I might see myself with.
But no-one came to mind; I just couldn't see her. It's depressing to think that even my imaginary future girlfriends are non-existent. Perhaps I needed to narrow her down to just a type. The sultry, sexy seductress; the interesting, individualistic intellectual; or the puppy-eyed, precious pearl (I'm just giving myself an excuse to abuse alliteration here)? But nope - no mould would fit my virtual mate. So I racked my head for qualities that I'd like her to possess instead, building her piece by piece like a Subway sandwich:
- Loving
- Caring
- Thoughtful
- Funny
And before I could get further than that, I realised that I was listing the most common, generic qualities that anyone would look for in a partner. Valid they may be, I might as well have just summed them up under one big umbrella category: "good person". Everyone endeavours to find these traits in a person they'd want to start a relationship with. And then it hit me that I might not have a clue what my next girlfriend would be like, but I definitely know what kind of relationship I want to have with her.
I'm currently twenty-two and have only relatively recently embarked on an "adult life" - living on my own, starting a career, brushing my teeth before going to bed, and other big boy responsibilities. Needless to say, I'm not very good with most of these yet (my teeth remain uncleaned as I write this), but when it comes to my dating attitude, I'm probably much too far ahead for my own good.
Unlike most aspiring and vibrant youngsters starting their bachelor lives at this age, my aim in life is to become a husband and a father. Forget earning my first million dollars (HKD, not USD - I'm not too hard on myself), buying my first car, or filling my little black book with semi-accurate first names (on a serious note, who actually owns one? Show of hands please) - I'm all about settling down, spending lazy Sunday afternoons on the sofa, cooking experimental meals, and sharing all of that with one special person. Does that make me boring? Probably. But that's where I want to be - and even I think it's a bit weird.
With my end goal in mind, it's much easier to shape what I want to share with my future partner. I might not end up marrying her, but it doesn't mean that it shouldn't be a relationship where I could reasonably explore that possibility. And in a scarily specific manner, I can list right off the top of my head, without much thought, what I'd hope for:
- Mutual give-and-take
- Commitment
- Honest and open communication
- Friendship, and more
- Growth for one another
- Willingness to put time, effort and work into the relationship
- Support for each other's personal life
- Matching life priorities, or at least an understanding
- Respect for personal space and time
- Continued infatuation
Whilst I may not be able to describe to you my type of girl, I can quite descriptively tell you what I hope she's looking for in our relationship - whether it's achieved or not is another matter, but at least we'd have common objectives. I don't want to close myself off from potential partners by slotting them into categories. But if she's not seeking the same relationship as I am, no matter how sultry, interesting or puppy-eyed she may be (see what I did there?), things just won't work out.
So, back to the discussion over poorly mixed vodka-diet-cokes (I'm watching my calories), after my moment of revelation, I replied thoughtfully:
"Eh. I don't know. Someone with big boobies, I guess."
Yes. I still say "boobies". I'm that mature.
Ha - "boobies".
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