"Ah, it's nothing."
"It's not nothing. You can't lie to me, I know something's wrong. What's up?"
[Sigh] "I'm facing this dilemma. I have feelings for this girl, but she doesn't reciprocate. So now I feel like crap on a stick."
"Okay, so what's the dilemma?"
"What do you mean? I just told you. I got my heart broken."
"Right, right. Boo hoo. But where's the dilemma? A dilemma would imply you have a difficult decision to make. And it seems to me, there's no decision to be made. It has already been made for you."
"I suppose..."
"I mean, honestly, what are your choices? To mope around, or to move on? C'mon, that's no choice at all. So it's going to suck balls right now, but then you will move on. So move on."
"I guess you're right."
"Of course I'm right. I'm you."
As of late, I have these moments where I'm very silent and just keep to myself, and more so than before. I just stop and stare blankly ahead. To most, it looks like I'm bored or spaced out. For those that know me well enough, they'll realise I'm just not there in the room any more - I'm in my head, talking to myself.
Putting aside the possibility I may have a split personality and I'm about to go all Two-Face on everyone ("You either die a hero..."), it's a part of my resolutions to be more independent (as opposed to being more psychopathic). Entering into a more mature stage of my life, I felt the need to be more in control of my moods, to be confident at crossroads, and to be able to wade through the crap life throws at me. And so now, when faced with struggles, I go into my head, and materialise the conversation - with myself.
I suppose the idea came from the fact that I've always tried very hard to support my friends in their times of need. Sometimes, I'm able offer a different angle with practical advice, and other times, I just offer a shoulder to lean on. It's a rewarding feeling to know that you are helping those you care about, and a trait of the person I aspire to be. Also, with an outside perspective, things often become a lot clearer: it's funny how logic just goes out the window when emotions come into play.
For example (and as is mostly the case), my friends might come to me with relationship worries. And whenever I give a seemingly ground-breaking piece of advice, it's really not that great at all - I have no big secret. Most relationship problems I have been presented with fall under a few common areas of trouble: distance (physical and emotional), trust issues, mismatch of life priorities, and a general lack of mutual give-and-take. And my solutions are pretty much always along the lines of communication, balance, and honesty. Surprise, surprise: relationships are between two people. And what links two people together? Communication, in whatever form it may take - so talk it out. But what if arguments arise because the two parties want different things? Compromise and balance. Meet each other halfway, at a point where you can both give a little and receive a little. And if one person is hiding a feeling that is troubling them? Be honest. If the two people are right for each other, and it's a relatively mature relationship, they will reach an understanding - if they are open about it. But even I think this last one is stretching it a little - I could probably group 'honesty' under 'communication' as well. So maybe I just have two keys to success. But what would I know? I'm no relationship guru. My point being is that I usually just apply logic to the relationship woes of my friends, and more often than not, it comes out as sound advice.
For example (and as is mostly the case), my friends might come to me with relationship worries. And whenever I give a seemingly ground-breaking piece of advice, it's really not that great at all - I have no big secret. Most relationship problems I have been presented with fall under a few common areas of trouble: distance (physical and emotional), trust issues, mismatch of life priorities, and a general lack of mutual give-and-take. And my solutions are pretty much always along the lines of communication, balance, and honesty. Surprise, surprise: relationships are between two people. And what links two people together? Communication, in whatever form it may take - so talk it out. But what if arguments arise because the two parties want different things? Compromise and balance. Meet each other halfway, at a point where you can both give a little and receive a little. And if one person is hiding a feeling that is troubling them? Be honest. If the two people are right for each other, and it's a relatively mature relationship, they will reach an understanding - if they are open about it. But even I think this last one is stretching it a little - I could probably group 'honesty' under 'communication' as well. So maybe I just have two keys to success. But what would I know? I'm no relationship guru. My point being is that I usually just apply logic to the relationship woes of my friends, and more often than not, it comes out as sound advice.
So, back to the original point, why not be my own best friend (apart from how sad it sounds to say that aloud)? If it's simple advice I'm looking for, I have all the logic and common sense I could need. In fact, we all do. We can all argue and discuss with reason - we do it all the time. And boiled down, most dilemmas come down to the fact that you must make a difficult decision. You just need to a) assess what your choices are, b) list the reasons for choosing and not choosing each, and finally c) as a result, make the most reasonable decision, given the circumstances. If your struggle doesn't even require a decision to be made (like the above conversation I had with myself quite some time ago), then all the better - you have nothing to think about. All you do is just let it happen to you. So now all I need to face any problem in my life is just a quiet moment for me to clone myself and tell myself things I already know, right?
I probably come off as a smart-ass right now. But the matter of fact is, I don't have all the answers. And even if I did, so what? I'm not superhuman, and I still succumb to emotions, however hard I try to distant it from my logic. Ultimately, I'm just as hopeless and pathetic as any lovers' woe. And I'm starting to re-learn that that's okay. I thought the mature thing to do is to deal with 'petty' feelings with reason and a common sense approach. And that's what I tried to do in the above situation. But the truth of the matter is that I'm pretty weak - and it turns out that adults can actually be weak too. As much as I want others to be able to lean on me, I need friends to lean on too. None of them are lesser than me, and if anything, I'm positive that most of my friends are better people than I am. So maybe the real mature thing to do is to learn to open back up and reconnect, and realise that it's okay to feel vulnerable and stupid sometimes.
After all, who said emotions were logical?
I probably come off as a smart-ass right now. But the matter of fact is, I don't have all the answers. And even if I did, so what? I'm not superhuman, and I still succumb to emotions, however hard I try to distant it from my logic. Ultimately, I'm just as hopeless and pathetic as any lovers' woe. And I'm starting to re-learn that that's okay. I thought the mature thing to do is to deal with 'petty' feelings with reason and a common sense approach. And that's what I tried to do in the above situation. But the truth of the matter is that I'm pretty weak - and it turns out that adults can actually be weak too. As much as I want others to be able to lean on me, I need friends to lean on too. None of them are lesser than me, and if anything, I'm positive that most of my friends are better people than I am. So maybe the real mature thing to do is to learn to open back up and reconnect, and realise that it's okay to feel vulnerable and stupid sometimes.
After all, who said emotions were logical?
No comments:
Post a Comment